Email #7

Hello familia. yes, I got the flash drives, so thank you! Also, tell
Sandy Bertha she’s a champion for sending me a care package. What a
treat. The dear elders come once a week, I get the ones you wrote for
me 4 or 5 days later, so I am able to hear from you alot. This week
was great. We had the opportunity to go outside of the CCM to a nearby
market and buy some things, and learn how to bargain. I bought some
sweater deal. 
I had a very spiritual week this week. In fact, my life was changed
this week. This mission has been changed forever. I will forever
remember last Sunday as the turning point in my mission.

I must apologize for my lack of
faith, and sometimes doubtful sounding emails. These past few weeks,
since I have reported, have tested my ability to hearken unto the
words of the spirit and place trust in myself. For weeks I have been
praying that the Lord would just help me fulfill this mission, help me
overcome my fears for the future, and help me carry out the task that
he has given me. I remember one night, in the MTC, just hearing the
spirit scream “go get help,” and I ignored it. I didn´t want to be
that one missionary that needed the MTC president. The weeks went on.
Last week I again found myself discouraged, and pleading to the Lord
to direct my steps. Again. Go talk to the CCM pres. This time… I
knew I could either sit in this mediocrity for the rest of my mission,
or do as the spirit directed. I do believe this will be the best
decision I´ve ever made. I expressed my concerns to the president last
Sunday morning. He listened patiently until I finished. He then asked
me “Can I give you the quick and dirty answer?” “By all means, yes.”
He then quoted the scripture in Mark 8:35 “Whoesever shall save his
life shall lose it, but whosoever loseth his life for my sake, and for
the gospels, the same shall find it.” He told me that I was focused
inward, and that he had full confidence that my own matters and doubts
would fly away as I focused outward. He told me to pray for charity,
and learn of it. He told me the words he spoke were not from him but
from the Lord. It was in every aspect the answer to my question, the
answer to my mission, and the answer to help me live my life. Charity.
The pure love of Christ. I don´t think we talk about it enough in
church, for without charity “we are nothing.” We literally must take
up his cross, that our burdens may be light. No one can solve problems
for themselves, because that is not the way the spirit works. Why do
you think people doubt, people have disbelief, or struggles in their
llife? When we focus inward, we directely defy the will of the Lord,
thereby casting the spirit far from us, and leaving a hold where the
adversary can reside. I was sufficiently humbled. I shared from him
passages from my patriarchal blessing, and he provided further
guidance on what I should do. I am so thankful for this experience…
Later that day, he called me back in his office and told me that he
felt impressed to issue a calling to me. I am now the AP, or assistant
to the president. I feel like I am exactly where I need to be in my
life right now. I am diligently trying to serve others, and put their
will before mine. It is hard. It has only been a few days now, but I
can feel the transforming power in my mind from Christ´s atonement,
and I can feel the power of prayer helping me along the way. Teach the
children charity… As Paul said, (roughly) and though I have all
knowledge, and all manner of talents and have not charity, I am
nothing. Charity is godliness. I am praying harder than ever that I
might be able to magnify this new calling, and develop this attribute
of charity. In order to be the missionary I set out to be, my will
must be completely swallowed up in the will of the father. I know it
is hard, but I know I am improving. This is an answer to prayer that I
have been seeking for a long time. I will be forever grateful for that
president. All of us can use charity. I we think we have it hard, then
we are probably focusing inward. I challenge anyone who reads this
email to search the topical guide and read the scriptures for charity.
As Moroni said, pray with all the energy of heart that you may be
filled with this love. I promise it works, and I hope and pray that I
might be able to renew and transform my mind forever because of this.
Anyways, how is the family doing? I saw the school pictures, looks
like the kids are doing great. It´s crazy that school is starting all ready. The weeks
literally fly by, and the days all feel like they´re mushed together
in one giant strand. Thanks family, love you mom and dad. Sorry, I
don´t have much time to write individual letters and what not, but I
will try my best. I love you all, and I am doing very well. Love,
Elder jacobsen

 

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